The Definition of Difficult

When I wrote my last blog post, I thought life here at the home was difficult trying to care for the three boys I was responsible for.  Less than two weeks after sharing that post, my world was about to be rocked and “difficult” would take on a whole new meaning.  One month ago today, we received three brothers, Diogo, Kaua, and Maycon (ages 10, 5, and 4).  We knew there was a possibility they would come and I even mentioned it the last time I wrote, but what I never imagined is just how challenging these new boys would prove to be.  Kaua and Mayon are literally unlike any children I have ever met before (and I have worked with a lot of kids!).  These boys are extremely aggressive, sexually aware, fond of swear words, outright defiant, and have some serious destructive tendencies.  Within the past month, I have had to learn more Portuguese swear words than I would like to know, have had more than one chair thrown at me (and broken in the process), have had to break up too many fights to count, have been kicked, scratched, and hit numerous times (and still have the battle scars to prove it), and I have been peed and spit on more times than I care to admit in my struggles with these new boys.  And it has been difficult.  And after these boys came, I was once again ready to pack up my bags and leave thinking that this is pretty much impossible.  I just can’t handle these 6 boys on my own.  And that’s when He gently reminds me, I am not alone.  And I find myself clinging to the truth found in Isaiah 41:10, “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Last month, not too long after these new boys arrived and on a day when I found myself completely overwhelmed, I read two different passages that I know was not by coincidence.  The Lord used them to both convict and challenge me.  The first was from the Dialogues of Fénelon, “Happy are they who are ready to accept everything; who never say, “It is too much”; who depend, not on themselves, but upon the Almighty.”  I must admit, after these new boys came, I found myself somewhat frustrated at the expectations that were placed on me to now have these 6 kids under my care and kids with extreme issues at that.  But I realized that this frustration came because I was relying on myself and trying to do it on my own strength, and was utterly failing.  That same day, I was also reading in 2 Corinthians and came across these verses that resonated so deeply within me.  In the first chapter, Paul is talking about the hardships they faced in Asia and says, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.  He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.”  Yes, life with these new boys was (and still is) difficult.  Most of the time, the challenges are so great that I feel beyond my ability to endure, but I know that God is using this time of trial so that I will learn to rely not on myself but on the only One who is able to see me through.  Once again, He causes me to come to the end of myself and recognize that apart from Him, I really can’t do it on my own.  I still have a long way to go and a lot to learn, but I have set my hope on Him and trust in His faithfulness. 

 

 God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us– He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come.

–Oswald Chambers